R E F L E C T I O N :
"a fixing of the thoughts on something; with careful consideration."
Let me begin by saying this, since I started blogging this is the first time I've struggled with actually knowing what to post. Which then made me think of the time I had first got a journal and struggled with what to write; being in this creative block took me to place of insecurity which made me forget my whole purpose of why I even started this series.
My first journal couldn't have come into my life any sooner and I have to thank my friend Shani for actually introducing me to journalling, It wasn't until she got me a journal that I realised how significant it would become...
After a couple of failed attempts I came across 'FREE - KEIRRA SHEARD', this song saved me and is my go to song for when I have a heavy heart.
From it I learnt that the only reason why journalling wasn't working for me,
was because I was trying to please others; which is weird because I was never going to let someone read it. This is embarrassing and very cringe but I used to carry my journal around because I wanted it to look like 'look at me I have a journal, I'm mature, I have my issh together and I am emotionally mature ' but I was the complete opposite,
I WAS A HOT MESS emotionally and little did I know was doing more damage to myself.
Now that I have the hang of journalling, I've learnt not to care about spelling or grammar or even the look of my hand writing. It sometimes leaves me thinking how did I even pass English.
Now you might be thinking how is this is reflecting. Well It wasn't until all my friends started graduating that it reminded me of how I had once planned the next phase of my life. At this point I was feeling empty and realised that I had forgotten myself.
A year had gone by since I left University, YES I'm a college drop out shout to YEEZY. I went & looked back at my first journal, twitter, instagram and old photos of myself. Just to see who I was and planned to be. Most importantly to remind myself of the plans and promises I had once made, the scariest thing is I was actually amazed, it all brought to me tears to know that,I had to let go of that chapter; because I wasn't HER any more. One thing I have taken from journalling is that girl do I need to learn to 'LET IT ALL GO' when its times to let it go
So my little tip for anyone who is beginning to journal is
* LEARN TO LET GO OF ANYTHING OR ANYONE THAT DOESN'T SERVE YOU ANYMORE
* WRITE/SPEAK FROM THE HEART
* BE KIND TO YOURSELF
* BE KIND TO OTHERS
*DON'T APOLOGISE FOR BEING YOU
* YOUR JOURNAL IS YOUR SACRED VAULT, ONLY LET THOSE WHO HAVE EARNED THE RIGHT TO HEAR YOUR SHAME STORY IN.
GOALS JOURNAL
This year I knew that I wanted to start my blog & just maybe a youtube channel. So I started doing research into how other bloggers & youtubers do things, I didn't want to go into this blind. Every where I looked; I paid attention to their strategies,goals & plans were but mostly how they plan to execute them.
You know that feeling when you start something new and you go out and buy different things that you think you need but end up not using, I wanted to AVOID this at all costs( Can't let my account take Losses because something looks cute).
So this is what I have decided to get to plan my day to day life, a life goal journal,two different types of to do list pads
Whenever I get a new journal in the beginning first two pages I always write down a daily mantra or prayer.
I have written down these questions in my journal
" What do my yearly goals need to look like in order for me to feel the way I want to feel?"
"Why do I want this" -
"What am I going to do to generate my desired feelings"
"What do I want to have or experience to create my core desired feelings"
Before beginning my blog I said to myself that, I need to be clear of this 'its not just about the goals and plans but of how I will feel when I get there'. It sounds crazy, this all lines up with the 4 questions I have written in the beginning of my journal.
STEP 1 - Question one
This might not work for everyone but I am very feeling and gut lead person
By me knowing what it is I want my goals to look like. I can then begin to break them down and also see how i can grow from them and also help someone.
Write down what it is you want to feel. I said to myself this year that I want to feel 'love'
and then you move onto second question.
STEP 2- Question two
This question is really about eliminating what I'm not resonating with, this could be your thoughts,habits and even what you eat. This helps me recognise my patterns. Don't over crowd yourself with loads of things you want to feel, your intention should just be get it down to 3-4.
Now I write down my 3-4 Core desired feelings
( when I first did this I wrote down words like confident and success, stay away from these 'audacious' words). I feel as if these words are you just buying into peoples visions & success i.e 'bae goals' which makes me want to VOM.
This stops you from connecting with yourself and how you can quickly turn you core desires into pleasing people.
Go deeper, by this I mean
Look up definitions of words. for example I had written confidence, so I looked at what it meant to be confident and I found the word LOVE; in order to be confident you have to love yourself & I said I want to feel love.
SIDE NOTE:
Be clear about your Core desires because you can't set them for the world to help you feel how you want to feel.
I've come to realise that in order for me to live out my core desired feelings I had to start telling myself that I'm worthy of them & to have patience; you might have to live out these feelings for a while and try them on. This is not about going into new relationships or career choice and saying ' I want love and respect' doing this will only cause me to allow outsiders to inform my reality. Its truly about knowing those desires and becoming an intentional creator of your own Life. An Intentional creator lives out what they are asking for.
What am I going to do to generate my core desires?
Its slowly telling yourself that today 'I'm going to wear my wig or do my hair instead of wearing a turban/headwrap. Its truly about keeping the promises you make to yourself, in order to get to your desired destination.
STEP 3 - Question three
Now you have 3-4 or more Core desires. Its now time to declare them. Don't be alarmed I still haven't mastered all of mine yet, but i have a few more I feel like adding to my ever growing list. In all honesty I have been sitting on my Core desires for a couple of years, I guess I just wasn't self aware and hadn't embarked on this journey to knowing what it is I wanted for my life. It could take you a weekend or longer to have them. You will need to be patient, be true to yourself.
Be clear about your intentions, the reason for you wanting to feel or need something.
STEP 4 - Question four
This last stage is about matching your core desires with your soul.
I looked at my Lifestyle, Livelihood, relationships & body and wellness. With these I asked my self ' What do I want to have or experience to create my core desired feelings'.
So on one sheet of paper I have my core desires and on the other I have my doing/experiences.
On the to DO LIST I write, everyday when I wake up or even before I go to bed, I will jot down what it is I need to do, either be house hold chores, exercise or going somewhere. It very important to write everything you need to do down ; I'm still learning to put this to practice. Having a to do list will help you experience these core desired feelings, for example I always get sleepy and get the desire to nap so I jot down 'work out or go for a walk' this stops me from feeling sleepy and I can look cute in dresses.
On the to DO LIST I write, everyday when I wake up or even before I go to bed, I will jot down what it is I need to do, either be house hold chores, exercise or going somewhere. It very important to write everything you need to do down ; I'm still learning to put this to practice. Having a to do list will help you experience these core desired feelings, for example I always get sleepy and get the desire to nap so I jot down 'work out or go for a walk' this stops me from feeling sleepy and I can look cute in dresses.
This is all a learning process.
I have down days where fear, worry & anxiety set in and I don't feel my core desired feelings and I remind myself it's life and I'm going to make progress, it's all about contrast. When you are in these moments of hell, stop yourself and say " this is not how I want to feel' what I really want to feel is *insert your core desired feelings* this stops your brain from over thinking and doing over time when its bed time.
By stopping and redeclaring your Core desired feelings you then give your brain room to come up with solutions
i.e you could go and apologise, stop arguing back. This is almost like you are taking the power of your life back, what can I do in these moments to feel my core desired feelings.
You have really tell yourself that you are worthy of the magnitude of these goals.
#VictoryLog
see you in my next post, where I will be talking about Meditation.
Complex | Decisions
